


Never Forget You

by Stardust_Steel



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Bittersweet, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Goodbyes, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Son Goku (Dragon Ball), POV Vegeta (Dragon Ball), Sad Vegeta (Dragon Ball), Sweet, Vegeta being Vegeta (Dragon Ball), Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, kakavege
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26508286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stardust_Steel/pseuds/Stardust_Steel
Summary: Vegeta misses Goku.He grieves for what they had, what is, and what could have been.In the quiet, he says goodbye.Set after GT, but can be read alone.
Relationships: Son Goku & Vegeta (Dragon Ball), Son Goku/Vegeta (Dragon Ball)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 47
Collections: Kakavege Week, Thunder & Lightning





	Never Forget You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evilkitten3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilkitten3/gifts), [TheRisingWing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRisingWing/gifts).



> Please leave a review if you can? It really means a lot to read.

“Hold it Kakarot!” Vegeta commanded, causing Kakarot to pause in his tracks as the great dragon Shenron watched them impatiently. It was still a power trip to realise that he was one of the only people Kakarot truly listened to. “Are you going off to train again?”

Kakarot met his eyes. It was usually fairly easy for Vegeta to instantly read what the younger saiyan was thinking, an ability their most recent fusion only amplified. This time though, the younger saiyan had his mental barriers up, and it took a bit longer than a second for the prince to parse through the shroud. What he saw made him gasp, a protest he already knew would be futile. “Kakarot!”

Kakarot’s smile was as gentle as it had ever been, but there was something sad and resolute about it this time. “Shh.” A strong, calloused finger ghosted over Vegeta’s lips gently. A selfish but self-sacrificing dimwit to the end, Kakarot didn’t want his much beloved family and friends to know or understand what was happening and where he was going. “They’re in your hands now, Vegeta.”

Vegeta swallowed tightly, recognizing the trust he’d been given, to know and not to reveal, to understand and to accept, just as he’d given his trust to Kakarot all those years ago. 

The prince stepped back, not trusting himself to do anything else. If he touched Kakarot right now, whether in an embrace or something more, he would not be able to let go. The younger saiyan’s gaze followed him with sadness as he moved away, but also with understanding. Vegeta fished for something meaningful to say, coming up with nothing. In the end he was only able to offer quietly: “...Fight well, Kakarot.” 

Kakarot smiled at him, the same sweet sunshine smile Vegeta had despised with a burning passion and wanted to crush the sweetness out of at the start of their acquaintance. The same smile that, after many battlefields and moments of peace, he had secretly grown fond of, and learnt to find reassurance in. 

And that was the last expression Vegeta saw of his (rival, friend, lover, soulmate) fellow saiyan’s face, as Shenron lifted them both into the air, fading away like the ghosts they were to become. The expression that he both wanted to remember forever and knew he would never forget.

Pan ran forward, looking far too disturbed and tearful for a normal goodbye. Perhaps she too could guess at what Vegeta instantly knew, that this was to be the final time either of them saw Kakarot again. That elusive figure, that kind, lion heart. As the little girl fell to her knees to grasp at the little scraps of blue gi left quietly, unceremoniously behind, Vegeta told her gruffly: “You take good care of that.” 

(It was still strange for Vegeta to think of Kakarot having a grandchild, given that the saiyan was still a child himself in many aspects. Distantly the prince recognized that he was falling back to his usual habit of affectionately scorning the other man, in the avoidance of feeling anything greater. Vegeta could feel it at bay though. It was only a matter of time before the sorrow crashed in like a tidal wave to submerge him. Perhaps it would overwhelm him when he next wound up in the plains they were fond of, training alone instead of sparring together. But not today.)

Sorrow and triumph battle with equal fervor. Triumph because the both of them had made it this far, back to back in battle. Sorrow because Kakarot was gone.

Perhaps if Vegeta was the more sentimental type, he would have asked for a keepsake. But he didn’t need a physical reminder of Kakarot. Let Pan hold on to them. Everything Vegeta was in that moment, everything he had, was touched by Kakarot in some way. He had all he needed of Kakarot within him. He was living evidence of Kakarot’s existence, and he carried Kakarot’s courage and easy forgiveness and simplicity in his heart. Kakarot was flawed, but he was - he was everything that was decent and pure, even when he was selfish, even when he was in the throes of rage or passion, he was fundamentally **good**. 

Already, there was emptiness in his heart where Kakarot once occupied.

Sunlight, river, fire flowed like life through Kakarot, and now he was... gone. and so was some aspect of Vegeta with him.

* * *

I’ve now been passed the dubious honour of Earth’s main protector. Protecting a people as my royal lineage was meant to, even if it wasn’t the people I was destined to. My lips quirk at the irony: I came to this planet to destroy it and recruit you or kill you. But here we are (or should I say, here I am…) Years and battlefields later... I am protecting it and missing you, instead.

Because, yes, Kakarot, as much as it galls me to admit, I do miss you.

I could laugh at my younger self’s stubborn hatred of you. Looking back, I really never stood a chance against you, Kakarot. I don't mean against your power. I didn't see it straightaway, but in reality I was stronger than you way back then. It took three of you to defeat one of me, and in many points since we were neck-to-neck, equally matched. What I mean by that is, I never stood a chance against your heart and disposition. The kindness that you are, the fundamental good that you embody. For someone to know _(my)_ weaknesses and yet to not exploit it… I have never known anything like it. I had no chance of stubbornly holding on to my cold destructive self. Not against your healing warmth. And yet, you had your selfish side too: your own battlelust, your own bloodthirst. You were a saiyan through and through, but the difference was you would never willingly hurt others for your own desires. 

Perhaps that is the reason why I found your existence and stupid face so insulting to my senses all those first years ago. Because, in the quiet, when I looked at you... I see what I could have been without the bloodshed and tragedy that characterized the first half of my life. A battle-driven, powerful warrior and true saiyan, who both fought for the joy of the fight, and to protect those he loved.

When I turned Majin- my last true attempt to defect to evil, to run from this, to run from you - I was scared of a heart and feelings I couldn’t silence, so I tried to throw it away. And I burned. I burned gloriously, emptily with what was familiar to me instead: all the anger, all the hatred. Destroying myself in the process. But you saw my worth, as you did years before. You recognized the heart behind the fire, the soul behind the fury that was in me, before anyone else did.

And just like the first time, you decided it was a shame to lose all that. Once again, you decided I was worth saving.

Kakarot, I always wondered. What made you see me for me? Was it just chance? You understood me like no one else did. You could read me so easily. Not in so many words, not in a way you would be able to express- I am sure it would be painful to even see you try. Your brain was a thing of total mystery, so strategic and brilliant in battle but absolutely and almost comically blank, hollow in anything and everything else, including and especially social niceties. But when it came to me? You still always manage to somehow dissect my every wall of angry defense, years of masks I’d carefully perfected, to see the wild fears and uncertainty underneath. The fool that you are, that you even wanted to try and _never stopped trying._ Even in my worst times, you saw the best of me; in my lies and being submerged in darkness as Majin and so-called prince of destruction, you saw the truth of me as a warrior with his own good.

I think you knew, somehow, that I would miss you, that I would be walking this numbness. _(How could I not? Everything that you were to me, everything that we faced together...)_ That was why you made sure I had our wives and our friends close, so that I wouldn’t withdraw or fade away into myself. So that I wouldn't get lost in a haze of anger or loneliness as I had in those long seven years you were dead after Cell, though I was too clouded by anger to recognize it for what it was back then. 

It's funny really, Kakarot. We were always connected to each other in some way, weren’t we? Despite the differences. The prince and the third class, the savior and the murderer, the rouge and the soldier, pure and the pure evil, the hero and the antihero. The rivals, friends, and something more. You’ve never felt it needed a name, neither did I. Perhaps this bond is because we are the last two remaining saiyans alive. Though in the privacy of my own thoughts, I can admit quietly to myself that I have never had anything this close with Raditz or Nappa. 

Perhaps it was because it was just us, and we are destined to fight with, for and against each other, just as we were destined to part.

Bulma once told me, in that frank, teasing way she had, that even though the mutual love and respect between us was well established, I was never truly happy unless I was with you. Back then, I had angrily asked her what she was on. The cheeky woman had only laughed and told me it was okay, giving you and me her blessings. All this time later, I suppose she was right. I had never known real happiness until I met you. You taught me there was such a thing as fighting for joy rather than survival. You taught me about the warm happiness that could come from friendship and friendly fights, rather than the sharp edges of victory from surviving near fatal battles, which had been the only form of joy I knew until I met you.

I can still see you clearly, you know, Kakarot. Memory attaches itself in unexpected ways. In moments unremarkable as they happened, but clearly remarkable for the tender ache they left behind. Sometimes I see you soaring across the skies ahead of me as we head towards another enemy. Sometimes I see you in your trademark snake style fighting stance, careless wide grin, spiky hair fighting against the wind. Your face is still vivid in my mind, your stupid gentle smile oscillating sometimes with the more predatory, golden halo-ed smirk of your super saiyan form. You’re teasing me as we knock elbows over dinner, everyone else giving us a wide berth to avoid getting ran over by our saiyan appetites. You’re panting under me, then above me as we grapple for control over who emerges victor of this particular bout of our spar. You’re looking at me with your hands behind your head in a careless laugh, eyes bright with affection. I'm smirking fondly back. You're gazing at me with gentle patience, allowing me time to warm to you as you hold out your hand, the way you had many times. And it’s like you’re waiting for something. Waiting for me.

But we both know I won’t be heading your way. Not this time. Your bright smile and my haughty smirk will not cross ways again.

For all your nearness and how close I feel you, you’re farther than the most distant star I could hope to reach.

Now that you’re gone, perhaps I regret some of my abrasiveness. Maybe I should have been less harsh, more willing to indulge you. But then perhaps, if I could repeat it all, I wouldn't change a thing. Because it was who we were, what our dynamic was, and you always took me for me with that stupid sunlight smile, and cared for me anyway. And given the chance, I would not have changed or given it ( _us_ ) up, not even for our homeworld, Kakarot.

Yes, not even for our homeworld.

I was too proud before, but. If I ever get the chance to tell you that, I would. And watch your face turn from shock to amazement. And then I would see that expression of soft delight in your eyes, that showed in those rare moments I tell you something that touches you and makes you feel cared for.

It's a bold claim, but not an untrue one. Look at the trajectory of my life, after all. Looking back, you were the reason for many of my decisions, at least once I was no longer a PTO slave wearing a prince's title. You were why I first came to Earth. The reason I became Super Saiyan was driven by a need to beat you. The reason I stayed on earth was to see your legend, though Bulma and Trunks cemented my ultimate stay. As Majin their names were branded into my mind... and yours. Finally yours was the name I died uttering on my lips. And even now, the memory of you still guides or dissuades everything I do. 

_"Bulma, Trunks... I do this for you... and yes, even you, Kakarot."_

A part of my insecurity remains (even though I knew you did your best to help me out of that dark hole, Another thing I have to thank you for, that i never did.) Honestly, sometimes , I wonder if I had half as much of an impact on you as you had on me. You always seem so solid an entity of your own, a force of nature who affects others and is never touched back in turn.

But I guess I will never know. Never be able to ask you again. 

* * *

<Flashback>

Goku inhaled deeply, drowning in the familiar comfort and warmth of Vegeta’s smaller frame curled against him. Drawing the prince closer, he slid his fingers up around the lean shoulders, the graceful waist. There was nothing sexual in their embrace tonight, only sensual, loving touch. A rare tender moment, without spars or verbal banter, just appreciating each other’s company.

As Vegeta tucked his face under Goku’s chin, embarrassed at the act of taking affection but silently demanding more, Goku suppressed a twinge of sad fondness. He had always been attuned to that which lay beyond the physical realm, and so, he could feel it. Something was on the horizon, the winds of change were whispering to him. It would soon be time for a big departure. Although Goku had always been the kind of person who lived in the moment, never giving the past more than its due -and sometimes even less, he still felt the ache of missing something that was not yet gone. 

More and more these quiet tender moments with Vegeta became something to treasure and memorise. More and more they became tinged with desperation, with the need to squeeze out every last sense of meaning from them. If Vegeta ever noticed, he never mentioned, only playing along with their banter a little longer before snapping, only indulging Goku’s physical displays of affection longer before withdrawing. 

And tonight, one of those nights that ghosted in the wake of Vegeta’s stormy eyes full of self doubt, Goku needed the prince to know how much he meant. Before it was too late.

Goku had never been good with words, but Vegeta was worth trying for. “Vegeta, if I didn’t meet you, life would have been very different.”

Vegeta tilted his head upwards from where it was resting against Goku’s shoulder. Goku was certain he could never ever tell Vegeta how adorable it was to see him curled up like this, less the prince stopped allowing their cuddles.

“Yes, Kakarot, you would never have had all the bones in your body broken and your first born almost killed, or got dragged into the fiasco that was Namek.”

Goku frowned. That wasn’t what he meant, why was talking always so hard? “Well yeah,” he stumbled through his words, “but that wasn’t what I meant.” Vegeta’s eyes glittered darkly at him in the light of the fireflies. “If we didn’t meet, I would have never become a super saiyan - I wouldn’t have even known they existed.”

“Is that all I am to you Kakarot? A signpost toward a legend?” Vegeta’s tone was haughty, but where there was once heat in his voice there was only a teasing lilt now, and his palms never left where they were curled around Goku’s body. Goku barely suppressed the urge to flick his forehead in exasperated affection.

He kissed Vegeta lightly instead. Predictably the prince squawked, turning red and drawing back a little in the twine of their embrace. To this day it still amused Goku how Vegeta reacted when he’d just been surprise-kissed, always startled, always shy. It was cute, but it was sad somehow. Like Vegeta was constantly waiting for a day Goku would wake up and leave.

Goku wished he could reassure the prince it would never happen, that he would never leave the prince’s side, but their very lives made it a certainty and a matter of time.

He would never leave Vegeta for who he was. The Vegeta he had fallen in love with, as Bulma would have phrased it. But he would and had to leave for what they were, protectors of the Earth and warriors of saiyan lineage, first and foremost. And it would happen soon.

He could not tell Vegeta that he would never leave, and not be a liar. But he had to tell him this.

“Vegeta, I’m serious,” Goku said earnestly, and hearing that tone Vegeta fell silent, allowing him to speak. Goku touched his forehead gently to meet the prince’s. “Before I met you, I always felt like an alien, like something was wrong and different with me. But then I met you, and you understood me. You made me feel like I was okay to be me. And -" he stumbled - "and If I didn’t meet you, I would never have known I could get stronger. But then with you, we got stronger together!”

Vegeta squirmed in his arms, hiding his eyes, but Goku knew him too well and could see a light flush staining his proud features. “I was horrible to you Kakarot. I still am.” There was shame curled up in that voice. Oh, no. Not what Goku was trying to get. He hugged Vegeta a little fiercer.

“Back then. Not anymore. And I know you, Vegeta.” He had come to learn Vegeta’s body language and trust it over his words; it had become so familiar and natural to him as breathing, and he could no longer truly remember a time from before and after. He knew how Vegeta showed love, and he felt it in every aborted gesture, every admiring remark shielded with scorn. Just as he hoped Vegeta felt his own love back, in every playful tease and every challenge.

There was more Goku wanted to say, but he knew that if he tried, it would all come out messy and jumbled. And he knew Vegeta wouldn’t appreciate the sentimental word vomit, even though and especially because it was about the prince himself. For someone so arrogant Vegeta always had low self esteem on what he deserved and expected for himself. Goku wished he could fix that only because Vegeta deserved to see his worth.

No, Vegeta would shy away from words. So as he leaned forward to brush their lips together a second time, Goku opened his mind instead, baring his mental landscape to Vegeta. He willingly flooded the bond they shared since their first fusion with his sincerity, letting Vegeta feel everything he wanted to say, just as he had the first time they kissed.

How being with Vegeta didn’t compare to being with anyone else. How so long as he had Vegeta with him on the battlefield, they felt invincible, even if they weren’t. How Vegeta looked at him differently and made him feel seen as who he was, and he didn’t need to pretend to be something he wasn’t. Vegeta accepted him anyway. Goku wasn’t scared of being alone, in fact preferred it most of the time, but with Vegeta, he didn’t feel alone anymore. 

When the emotion floodgates stopped, Goku drew back slightly, though he kept his forehead pressed against the prince’s. “Hope that made more sense,” he laughed, suddenly embarrassed, drawing one hand away from Vegeta’s frame to run the back of his neck.

Only for Vegeta to grasp that hand by the wrist, pulling him in for a fiercer embrace, a more passionate kiss. Goku almost stopped breathing in surprise: Vegeta had gotten braver at initiating their physical touch over the years, but they were still rare occasions compared to Goku, who according to Vegeta was a big idiot teddy bear disguised in saiyan form. 

Goku smiled into the kiss, the sunlight smile Vegeta had once sleepily told him was his favourite, as he hugged Vegeta tightly. Message received, it seemed. 

If only he could make Vegeta believe it, too.

* * *

Time and again I find myself at the plains where we first fought all those years ago. The scars we left scorched into the ground are still here, unlike you. The foliage never seemed to have grown back, as if the grass was asleep. This place looks desolate and barren, but to me it _feels_ even more so. Like it is frozen in a bubble of its own, refusing to follow the pace of the world around it.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you.

It embarrasses me to admit, but numerous times over the years since you faded away, I tried to reach out across our mental link. Just to see if maybe, maybe, you were still there on the other end, waiting patiently for me to take your open hand as you always used to. But where there was once warm affection and open acceptance, now there is only a cold silence that echoes back at me. A silence that is all the more powerful due to its lack, because I knew what lay there before.

It is like losing you again. A constant living wound.

-I - I can't.

I’ve stopped trying now. It hurts too much.

The others miss you too, as to be expected. Most of them believe you will pop back in one day, probably after everyone has significantly aged. I keep my knowledge quiet, in my desire to respect and honor what you wanted. But that means no one understands my loneliness. 

Kakarot, I have your white sash with me, you know. Your granddaughter insisted I keep it. When I told her I didn’t need it, she looked at me with a shadow of the fond exasperation that your eyes used to hold when I was being unduly stubborn about something. I was always weak for that. I guess she is like you in some ways, sensible only when it was least convenient to be. 

My hands trace the outline of your sash in silence as I look out towards the plains. I realise I am grieving: grieving for things that were, that could have been, and never was. Moments I miss.

A bittersweet laugh escapes me. We truly have come a long way from that first time we stood as enemies on these plains. No one can compare their story to ours. No one would even come close- Your steps and mine are hard ones to follow.

In the end, my true regret is that I didn't spend enough time with you. Didn’t spar with you enough, didn’t bash your stupid grin into the ground enough, didn’t banter with you enough.

But, I suppose, when you... love... someone, all the time in the world would never be enough.

We’ve had and fought some amazing, glorious battles, haven’t we? Against, with, and for each other. 

...I wish we could have one more, Kakarot.

Perhaps in the space between dreams and awakening, in this space of loneliness and nostalgia, we could meet again… And I would get to spar with you, to scorn you, tease you, to touch you, to laugh with you, to hug you. Perhaps I can pretend and convince myself it is enough.

I feel raw. Brittle. Like there's something inside me that is constantly missing. But it isn't the same angry red wound I carried all those years in Frieza's army. 

Something else Bulma said to me, in the years you've been gone... that love heals, and she was proud of me for healing. I scoffed at her back then (for all I've changed, this kind of stupidly sappy narrative would never stop making me uncomfortable.) But... looking back at the trajectory of my life, I can admit to seeing some truth in what she means.

Love is healing. _You_ taught me this, Kakarot, not in so many words but in your actions. Being loved by you, even in my worst times, helped me see my worth. And in the reverse, loving you made me want to become... better.

I was a prince, who was supposed to have everything. But in reality I was ruler of a dead race - I was a slave, I had **nothing**. And then, I had you... and Bulma, and Trunks, and Bra, and slowly, however reluctantly, the rest of our misfit team. And it made me _better._

 _Loving you_ made me better _._

And even though you're gone, Kakarot, in a way more permanent than death...

...gone somewhere I can never follow...

...I'm still trying to _be_ better.

Feh. Look what you turned me into, a sentimental idiot, just like you.

I guess that's the greatest form of loving someone. Even when they're no longer with you, you move forward and continue to be guided by them. Because the impression they've left on you lasts forever.

Despite this alien bittersweetness I harbor, I am grateful to have met you, hated you (because hah Kakarot, never doubt, I once truly despised you with everything I had...) Grateful to have fought alongside you, and grown to care for you and finally loved you, in my own dysfunctional way. 

And all these things, I got to do in part because of that one act of kindness you showed, sparing my life, then giving me chances again and again even as I kept refusing them. You never gave up on me.

You’ve changed my life. And I will never forget you. 

Goodbye, Kakarot. I really miss you. Thank you for everything.

* * *

_I used to be so happy_

_But without you here I feel so low_

_I watched you as you left but I can never seem to let you go_

_'Cause once upon a time you were my everything_

_It's clear to see that time hasn't changed a thing_

_It's very deep inside me but I feel there's something you should know:_

_I'll never forget you, You'll always be by my side_

_From the day that I met you, I knew that I would love you 'til the day I die_

_And I will never want much more_

_In my heart I will always be sure_

_I will never forget you_

_And you'll always be by my side, 'til the day I die_

_Doing it, loving it, Everything that we do_

_And all along, I knew I had something special with you_

_But sometimes you just gotta know that these things fall through_

_But I'm still sad and I can't hide my connection with you_

_I'll never forget you, You'll always be by my side_

_From the day that I met you, I knew that I would love you 'til the day I die_

_And I will never want much more_

_In my heart I will always be sure_

_I will never forget you_

_And you'll always be by my side, 'til the day I die_

_-Never Forget You, Zara feat MNEK_

__

**Author's Note:**

> 1..There will be a companion fic to this from Goku POV, if people want to see one. Let me know if there are scenes you want to see.  
> Also full credit to artists of the art. If you know who they are please contact me. I give them full recognition.
> 
> 2\. For all its faults, GT's bittersweet ending made me cry. If you have no idea what's going on:at the end of GT, essentially, Goku fades away to a different plane with Shenron the Eternal dragon, leaving everyone else behind. Only Vegeta and Pan know that he is gone for good, while everyone else assumes he'll just pop back in as usual in a couple years. A hundred years later we see Goku and Vegeta Jr. (their descendants) fighting in the tournament, Pan looking like a wizened Grandma, and the reflection of Goku looking as young and healthy as ever walking in the crowd observing. The implication is that he stays forever between the two planes in an immortal, unseen body, never to meet his loved ones in the afterlife. 
> 
> Never to meet or spar with Vegeta again.
> 
> This fic is about how Vegeta understands that, and misses him.
> 
> 3\. Please leave a review if you can? ><
> 
> To those asking, "Call It what you want" will be updated soon. I just... have been in a blue cloud recently. Fighting my way back. Your reviews help remind me something is waiting. Thank you. <3
> 
> I also recently lost someone I loved, with them a way of life gone forever. 😢💔 that line Vegeta says in this fic, about wishing for more time , but when you love someone no time will be enough. That is my own line, my living wound, my quiet realisation and reality at the moment.  
> I am sorry for projecting in on these two babies who deserve so much more.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic of] Never Forget You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28562271) by [Dr_Fumbles_McStupid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Fumbles_McStupid/pseuds/Dr_Fumbles_McStupid)




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